


chance

by anothergirl444



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:47:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28600947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anothergirl444/pseuds/anothergirl444
Summary: after the intense and everlasting heartbreak from your first love, you didn't believe in falling in love a second time.. until you met bokuto koutarou.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	1. prologue

It’s not like you wanted to be this way. You actually used to be much different than who you are today. Throughout your whole life you always harnessed a bright energy that inspired others around you. It wasn’t until you fell in love for the first time that you truly unlocked a deeper piece of yourself.

It happened faster than anyone realized.

He was everything you wanted, and everything you hated. The two of you were so similar, yet somehow were night and day. At some point, he became your first thought in the morning and your last wish as you fell asleep. The days blurred together, date after date, late night sleepovers, sneaking into each other’s homes. You tried to ignore it at first, but behind the scenes your love for him grew until it swallowed you whole.  
Late night talks about your future and the mutual love you shared for each other grew sour just as fast as it turned sweet. Nobody drove you crazy like he did, it was addicting. No one made you feel as free yet caged in as he did. Nights spent fawning over each other suddenly grew into late hours spent crying alone wondering why you weren't enough for him. You felt ashamed someone could make you feel this way. Someone outside of yourself harnessed the power to drive you out of your mind into a space you were afraid of.

But you loved him.

Despite the way he made you feel and the way he treated you, you loved Oikawa Tooru still. You loved him as he snuffed out your light and manipulated you. You loved him through his faults and his excuses. Clinging to your memories together, clinging to your own delusions, you refused to let him go until he broke you past repair.  
For two years he was the focal point of your entire life. It wasn’t until you became a shell of who you once were that you realized his games would never end and that your dreams would never become a reality. Picking yourself back up has been the hardest part. The things you once loved such as sports, writing, hanging out with your friends, and reading now require more energy than you are capable of manifesting.  
Your breakup was sudden, and less than you deserved. There was no closure, no “it’s not you, it’s me,” and no tears. One day you woke up and decided you were done with the way he treated you and sent him a text which to this day garnered no response from him.  
Part of your repressed spirit is desperate to reach out to him, to beg him for his attention and love, but you can’t bring yourself to do that. Once a bright, crazy, reckless bitch, these days you’re more of a wallflower, blending into the back of every room, locked away in your own daydreams to distract yourself from the reality that your first love completely shattered your heart beyond repair. Beyond reconstruction.  
It’s not that you’re waiting for someone to come sweep you off your feet and make you believe in love again. No, it’s actually quite the opposite. You’re happier now that you’re alone, and you want it to stay this way. Falling in love isn’t something that happens often, and you believe it only truly happens once. The feelings you felt for Tooru could never be replicated and the pain heartbreak has given you isn’t worth any sub-par love in the world.

Finding love after this? Not a chance.


	2. two's company, three's a crowd

The morning of your last first day of highschool was quite ugly, to be fair. Clouds loomed over you during the brief walk through your neighbourhood, and the air was considerably cool and brisk. Cherry blossom petals turned a sooty grey in the Tokyo streets from the early morning precipitation left behind. The walk from your house to Fukurodani Academy wasn’t too far, but the less than pleasant weather caused you to walk with a purpose. After trekking a good 5 minutes, you had already come upon your best friend Kanna’s house where you’d usually finish up the walk to school together. As you grew closer, the fog cleared to reveal Kanna.. And another figure?

“Kanna!” you called out, squinting your eyes slightly in order to place the other individual.

“Hey, y/n! Can you see us through this fog?” Kanna laughed loudly.

Finally reaching them, you saw Kanna standing closely with a boy wearing a men’s Fukurodani uniform. A second-year maybe?

“Kanna,” You nodded towards her, quickly glancing over to the boy standing next to her. He looked towards you and sheepishly waved. Piercing blue eyes stood out against his messy jet black hair while he reached back to clutch his duffel bag. Looking down, I noticed the two of them holding hands. “Is this who I think it is?” You inquired, shooting a look in your best friend’s direction. 

You remembered Kanna mentioning a boy several times over the short break from school, but you didn’t think they were anything serious. _Kanna’s not really the type to settle down with one guy,_ you thought to yourself. _He must be special if he’s able to handle someone as headstrong as her._

Tucking her dark, shoulder length hair behind her ear, Kanna cleared her throat. “Y/n this is Akaashi Keiji, the guy I’ve been telling you about!” She glanced at you behind her glasses, seemingly nervous considering your terrible resting bitch face. 

You smiled before introducing yourself. “Oh, I’m l/n f/n. I’m so happy to finally meet you!” 

Akaashi blushed slightly before returning your statement. 

The three of you started off in the direction of your high school, somewhat huddled together in defense of the difficult weather. “So, Akaashi, what class are you in? Kanna doesn’t tell me much about you, she’s protective.” You joked, causing Kanna to nudge you playfully. 

“I’m in class 2-6. You and Kanna are both in class 3-5 right?” He asked quietly. It was amazing to see how calm and cool he was compared to Kanna who was much more sure of herself in manner. 

“Oh you’re a second year? My cousin is a second year student too, you might know him.” You mentioned, becoming more and more interested in the aspects of Kanna and his relationship.

“Akaashi plays volleyball too, he’s a setter.” Kanna butted in, the excitement for her boyfriend apparent. 

Volleyball? Great. Kanna herself knows how badly volleyball triggers you considering… your ex boyfriend. And a setter at that? It’s almost like she forgot how many boba trips she took you on in an effort to distract you from the painful breakup you went through. Kanna was always your partner in crime whenever the two of you would drive to Tooru’s tournaments and matches. What was only a couple months ago seems like an eternity. 

“Oh, volleyball? Have you ever been to nationals?” You chuckled, a joke that Kanna might not have picked up on. God, at least you had that to laugh about over him. 

“We went last year. Our ace is really talented, scary at times. I’m confident we’ll be there again this year.” He was sure in his statement, eyes shining brightly with a determined look. 

“I’ll be right there to cheer you on Keiji.” Kanna proudly replied, swiftly pecking Akaashi on the cheek. _I’m gonna be sick._

After about 10 minutes of walking you reached the high school where students were scattered across the courtyard as others were heading in. Homeroom began in approximately five minutes. 

“Well, it was great meeting you, y/n. Kanna, I’ll see you at lunch?” He asked, giving her hand a squeeze while she blushed in return. She nodded as he turned to leave, walking towards a group of guys laughing around a taller student making obnoxious jokes way too loudly for your liking. One look at their matching windbreakers and duffle bags and you realized that must be the rest of the volleyball team.

You turned to your best friend. “Kanna, what the hell? Volleyball? Lunch? I’m happy for you but honestly what the hell?” Fidgeting with your skirt you immediately regretted what you said. It’s not that you weren’t happy for her, but you were secretly hoping to have your best friend there for you during the last year of high school, and especially because you were feeling really alone after your painful breakup, or lack thereof. 

“Y/n, you know that I love you right? I don’t really know what happened. We weren’t serious but then suddenly, I realized I really like him. Keiji is different from the others, he’s understanding, he’s thoughtful and kind. He knows just how to be there for me, and I know, I know, he’s a volleyball player. But you don’t have to go with me-” 

“Kanna stop.” Cutting her off, you let out a small sigh. You already knew she was going to mention tagging along to games, tournaments, and practices. “I love seeing you happy above everything, and he’s not my boyfriend. I don’t really care whether he plays volleyball or if he dresses as a mime in the park on weekends. Besides, it’s not as if Akaashi’s anything like Oikawa just because he’s a setter too.” Even just saying his name out loud twisted the dagger deeper into your heart. 

Kanna looked at you questioningly before shrugging her shoulders. “He’s so wonderful y/n, but I want to spend as much time together, you and me, as we can this year. So don’t forget me when you’re off thotting it up this school year, okay?” She couldn’t finish her sentence without letting out a giggle at the thought of you with a roster full of simps. 

“I’m sorry-what?” You laughed loudly, buckling over as other students glanced in your direction. “Yeah, no. No thotting for me, I’m determined to be a designated third wheel for the rest of my high school career.” You joked, though you actually meant it. 

“Okay y/n, I’ll remember this when you’re being treated right by a great guy as soon as next month.” Kanna dismissed you, turning towards the direction of your shared homeroom class.

“You’re pretty funny today Kanna, does Akaashi have jokes like you?” You laughed, following your best friend into the school. 

“Nope, but he sure is cute.” She grinned. 

Rolling your eyes, you clutched your school bag tighter. You knew Kanna would never up and desert you just because she had a new boyfriend, but the intrusive thoughts growing in your brain since your last relationship fought their way to the front of my mind. 

_I hope she doesn’t seriously think I’ll go to a volleyball game with her._ You thought to yourself, trying to keep up with Kanna through the busy hallway. _She knows how painful even TALKING about volleyball is for me since it usually came first in my last relationship._ Oh well, this isn’t the worst thing to happen this year. At the very least, Akaashi and Kanna could be exactly the push you needed to get out of your rut. 

  
_One year left of highschool. I guess I’ll make the most of it._


	3. balls flying

The day dragged on until finally fourth period, the class before lunch, rolled around. You didn’t do as well in Chemistry as you did in your English language classes. Plus, Kanna and your other acquaintances chose physics this year. 

“Good morning 3rd years! Please refer to the seating chart posted on the whiteboard to see your placements and assigned lab partners.” Professor Nakamura addressed the class before sitting down behind her desk. 

Walking towards the front of the room where your classmates were gathered, you peered ahead of them to see who you were assigned with. _Matsumoto Himari,_ you read to yourself. You knew of her from being in the same class, but never had a direct conversation with her. 

Matsumoto sat in the back of the classroom awkwardly clutching her backpack. Walking over in her direction, you took notice of her long, honey-blonde tresses, most likely the result of a hair salon, and the style in which she wore her uniform. Her shirt was messily buttoned and her ribbon lay half tied across her large chest, which strained against the confines of her shirt. 

“Hey, I’m l/n f/n, I’m your lab partner this year.” You introduced yourself cheerfully in an effort to start out on the right foot. 

Looking up through her messy curtain bangs to reveal deep brown eyes, she immediately introduced herself in return. “Matsumoto Himari,” she nodded at you, “and I’m terrible at chemistry. I’m so sorry you’re stuck with me.”

You laughed before setting your things down and taking your seat. “Well, that makes two of us.”

“Oh damn, my older brother said Professor Nakamura is easy so I’m sure we’ll be fine.” Matsumoto replied optimistically.

Your new lab partner had a casual beauty about her that distracted you and others around her. Perhaps it was her “fuck it” attitude or her well-kept composure, but Himari Matsumoto wasn’t the typical person one would find in a class as advanced as 3-5. 

“Okay class, let’s go over the breakdown for this semester, and the major projects we’ll be tackling.” Professor Nakamura began. 

Taking this as your cue to pull out your notebook, you, along with the rest of class, paid attention to Professor Nakamura and began jotting down notes. Listening to her drone on for the next 45 minutes was difficult considering how preoccupied your mind was from that morning’s events. You began thinking of everything that had changed within the year from Kanna getting a boyfriend, to you quitting sports, and the prospective scenario of attending Fukurodani volleyball games with Kanna. 

As you glanced out the window beside you, contemplating the current situation, you saw Akaashi walking towards gym #3 alongside another player you guessed. His companion was quite tall and muscular, walking in an animated fashion that made it clear he was talking excitedly about something. Black and white hair stood up wildly resembling an owl and he had a duffle bag hanging from his strong back. You found yourself staring too long, growing increasingly curious over what the pair were talking about. 

The bell rang, suddenly pulling you from your thoughts and cutting off your teacher. 

“Y/n!” Looking up you saw Kanna on the other side of the doorway holding her lunch sack. “Hurry up or our table is gonna get taken!” She pressed you loudly. 

Rolling your eyes you stood up and began gathering your things into your backpack. “Y/n, before you go here’s my number. In case you ever wanna get together for projects or homework.” Matsumoto held out a folded piece of paper to you. 

“Oh cool, I’ll text you.” You responded, taking the note from her. “See you later!” 

Walking out of class, you joined up with Kanna who was waiting to go to your favorite lunch table together. “Finally, I thought I’d have to wait a whole ‘nother class period for your slow ass.” She quipped before poking you in the side. 

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” You responded, rolling your eyes.

….

  
  


“Y/n pleeeeease. Please, please, please, please, please!!!” Kanna took your hands in hers pleading with puppy dog eyes behind her glasses. 

The final class period of the day, which the two of you shared, had just ended and you were dying to go home and get in bed. Kanna, however, had a different idea. 

“Please come with me to watch the rest of Akaashi’s practice, there’s only thirty more minutes left and I don’t want to watch alone.” Kanna begged some more. 

The courtyard was filled with students chatting and beginning their walks home after an eventful first day back to school. You’d be joining them if it weren’t for Kanna’s persistence in you coming with her to watch the volleyball team’s practice. 

“Aren’t there other volleyball girlfriends you can sit with there? Why do I have to go?” You complained. 

“No, the rest of the team is full of goofy immature guys who would probably shit their pants if a girl even spoke to them.” Kanna laughed loudly. 

You really didn’t want to go with Kanna to watch Akaashi play volleyball, but at the same time, you knew she was excited to have a boyfriend and didn’t want to be a bad friend. It was disappointing that even months after a breakup there were still things that triggered you, bringing back intense feelings that you worked hard to forget. Volleyball was one of those small things.

You sighed before rolling your eyes at Kanna. “Thirty minutes and after that I’m going home.” 

“Yay! Thank you thank you thank you!” Kanna squealed excitedly, pulling you towards gym #3. 

Walking into the gym you were overwhelmed by the team’s deafening yelling on the court. Following Kanna, the two of you sat halfway up the bleachers in front of the court away from where other people were sitting. 

Fixing your eyes on the court you looked for familiar faces. There was Konoha Akinori, another 3rd year you once had a class with, and Akaashi. 

“They’re having a practice match against each other right now.” Kanna commented, her eyes shining brightly watching her boyfriend. 

You huffed and watched a tall player with spiky black hair get ready on the serving line. After hitting a powerful serve over the net, Akaashi’s team struggled to reach it before successfully setting up a play to send it back over the net. On the other side of the net, you watched a smaller player pass the ball gracefully to the setter before a taller player with wild black and white hair shouted out. Quickly, you recognized him as the same player you saw walking with Akaashi earlier that day. 

“Left, left!” He cried out. 

The setter honored the muscular player's request and set the ball in his direction, earning an insane line shot from the spiker. 

On the other side of the net, the players didn’t seem fast enough to stop the ball from slamming into the ground before Akaashi fell forward digging the ball back up.

“Nice dig ‘kaashi!” Kanna called out, causing the muscular black and white haired spiker to look in your direction. The look on his face was amusing, as if he was a sore loser. 

“Who is that guy? The spiker?” You curiously asked Kanna, not taking your eyes off him as he started childishly whining in the middle of the court. 

“Bokuto? Akaashi and him are like best friends,” she filled you in. “He’s a third year student too; I think class 1.”

“Bokuto..” You trailed off watching in amusement and curiosity as the rowdy upperclassman shouted about in a dramatic way, calling for the next point as the ball entered their side. 

Another perfect set was tossed in Bokuto’s direction as he began his approach confidently. Forcefully, he made contact with the ball sending it flying in a cross shot. Only, his aim was off, cutting too sharp and sending it right into the direction of you and Kanna. 

“Shit, watch out!” You screamed, the two of you bracing yourselves. 

With a loud _bang,_ the ball flew into the bleachers missing you by a hair and ending up somewhere behind you. 

“Aww shit! I’m so sorry I thought I had that one!” Bokuto cried, hanging his head in his palms to avoid eye contact with everyone. His teammates laughed at the situation while Akaashi jogged up the bleachers to retrieve the ball. 

“Are you two okay?” Akaashi asked the two of you, picking up the ball in his hands. 

“Yeah, we’re good, no thanks to him-OH shit why is he coming over here?” You started.

Bokuto charged up the steps behind Akaashi, stopping right before you. “Akaashi!!!! I am so sorry I saw a pretty girl and I wanted to impress her but I concentrated too hard and hit it in her direction instead, I’m sorry can you two forgive me please.” He pouted and looked down, waiting for one of you to say something.

_Oh brother, you have to be kidding._

“It’s fine, no one’s hurt! We’re okay,” Kanna assured him, looking at you with an amused face.

“Please! Forgive me I think you’re beautiful I promise to hit the next one perfectly.” Bokuto spoke, bowing in your direction before looking at you. 

_Wait is he talking about me? What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? He’s so upfront that I don’t even know how to respond properly._

Golden amber eyes stared up directly into yours, their intensity unsettling you. “Uh, okay, sure.” You replied at a loss for words. 

Bokuto turned around and ran down the bleachers back to his position. “Well, let’s call practice at that! Take down the net and shag the balls!” The couch called out.

“Bokuto is probably gonna be hard on himself after this,” Akaashi spoke, turning towards Kanna. “Raincheck on the walk? I’ll make it up to you.”

“Don’t worry about it, Keiji, I’ll text you when I get home.” Kanna replied. 

With that Akaashi nodded and started towards the court. After watching him for a second, Kanna grabbed her backpack. “Well that was exciting, let’s go home.” 

You sighed, exhausted from the dynamic event that just occurred. “Thank God.”


	4. friday night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone reading this <3
> 
> i just wanted to let y’all know this story is also on wattpad if you prefer reading there :))
> 
> my user is @420kuroo
> 
> & to anyone reading this i appreciate you so much, every hit or kudos i get is motivation for me to keep publishing chapters and doing something i love <333

  
....

The end of the week came relatively fast. Before you knew it, Friday had come, and you were working on a lab report in Chemistry with Himari. “Are you going to Konoha’s party tonight? He’s throwing it for one of the volleyball team’s managers.” Himari asked you casually, not looking up from her paper. 

“Party? I don’t think so.” You replied, confused as to why she thought you’d go to something that communal.

“Really? I figured you were going since you’re friends with Akaashi Keiji and Bokuto Koutarou.” She responded, taking a break from her class work to text someone back on her phone. 

“Oh, my best friend Kanna is dating Akaashi, but I wouldn’t say I’m friends with Bokuto.” You defended yourself, slightly embarrassed. “He almost hit me with a volleyball once but that’s about it.” It had been days since Bokuto almost knocked your head off and word spread throughout the 3rd years, courtesy of Konoha’s big mouth.

“My bad, I shouldn’t have assumed.” Himari apologized, turning back to her schoolwork. “You should definitely go, I’d love to see you there.” 

“Hmmm, maybe.” You hummed, contemplating whether or not Kanna would bring it up when you saw her for lunch.

“I heard some guys from Nekoma’s team were coming too, not that I care. They’re such dorks.” Himari laughed, causing you to chuckle alongside her.

“I’m not much into guys right now, but I might come by.” You sighed, putting down your pencil after finishing your classwork finally. 

“Really?” Himari looked up, curiosity shining behind her chocolate brown irises. “Me neither, guys are stupid as fuck and can’t do anything right.” A mischievous smile spread across her face.

“Tell me about it.”

….

After class you met up with Kanna at the designated table the two of you always ate lunch at. Today it was just you and her since Akaashi had a lunchtime meeting with the volleyball team. Diving into your bento boxes, the two of you ate in silence, starving since it was nearing the end of the school day. In the midst of your comfortable silence, Kanna spoke up, pulling you from your thoughts. 

“So there’s a party tonight and I’m forcing you to come with me.” She declared, mouth full of onigiri. 

“Oh, geez, Kanna, you’re not serious are you?” You whined, poking around your lunch, suddenly losing your appetite. 

“C’mon, y/n, what else do you have to do? This is our last year and I refuse to let you spend it in your room binge watching anime on the weekends.” Kanna argued.

“And what’s so wrong with that?” You countered, popping a piece of chicken in your mouth. Partying requires so much energy, maybe at one point you were into it but nowadays you were much happier sitting in your room alone where no one could bother you. However, some would argue that you’ve been spending too much time alone. _Going to this stupid party would actually be good for me, but that doesn’t change the fact that I really don’t want to go._ You thought to yourself. 

“Y/n, you’re coming with me and that’s that. Consider it restitution for all the shoujo animes I sat through when you were going through your breakup.” Kanna turned towards you, a devious smile forming upon her face. “Besides, I might be setting you up with someone.” 

_Yeah right, that’s the last thing I want. What part of ‘I want to be alone’ does she not understand?_ “Oh really, and who might that be?” You questioned her, eyes narrowing. 

“Guess you’ll have to come to the party to find out,” Kanna quipped, humming happily. “But I will say this, he’s tall and hot as fuck. I remember that being your type.” 

_Kanna seriously thinks I give a fuck about a tall, handsome guy? There’s plenty of those around Tokyo. Fuck, I don’t want to be a bad friend but I don’t want to go at all. Being around a bunch of people just doesn’t sound appealing to me, I just want to be left alone._ Pulling yourself out of your thoughts, you sighed. “Alright Kanna, I’ll go-”

“YES! I knew you’d-” Kanna started. 

“But,” you cut Kanna off. “I will only go if you promise not to try and fix me up with anyone. I don’t care that me and Toru are done, I just,” you paused in order to suppress the knot of feelings growing in your chest. “I don’t want anything with anyone. I’m happy for you and Akaashi, but I’m not looking for anything anytime soon, if at all.” 

Kanna listened to you, nodding her head along. She understood what you were saying, but couldn’t help meddling in your love life. Her heart was pure, and she only desired to do anything possible in order to make her best friend happy. “I love you bitch for real. Say the word and we can be old ladies sitting on a porch together till the end, no boys allowed.” Kanna joked. 

“You already know I’m down.” 

  
  


….

  
  


Lunch wrapped up and eventually so did the rest of the day. Kanna walked home with you, leaving Akaashi to finish up practice with the rest of the team. The two of you would get ready at your house and spend the night at hers, as Kanna insisted. Thankfully, it was a sunny day, making your walk home pleasantly enjoyable. 

Upon entering your home, dinner had already been prepared in the event your parents returned home late from work. Your younger sister was busy playing on her nintendo switch so she didn’t bother pestering you and Kanna. 

“Mai, we’re home!” You shouted throughout the house in hopes she would hear you. 

“Yeah, whatever,” Mai shouted back, always unimpressed with whatever you were doing. 

“Love to see being an upperclassman in middle school hasn’t gone to her head. She’s still being a pain, huh?” Kanna laughed while the two of you made your way upstairs. 

“She thinks, I’m a loser, I think she’s a brat, so yeah things are still the same.” You shook your head while Kanna plopped down on your bed. You and Mai had a typical relationship of sisters. The two of you usually took turns being an asshole, but always came together when the other was bored or hungry. “Sister’s, am I right?” 

Kanna scoffed amusingly at your comment, both of you knowing she was an only child. “Anyways,” she started. “What are we wearing tonight?” 

Taking a seat in your desk chair you sighed opening your laptop. “Can’t we just watch an episode or two first? What’s the rush?” You complained. 

“What’s the rush? Um, if I let you watch even one episode of whatever show you’re watching right now-”

“Tower of God.” You cut in.

Kanna rolled her eyes at your interjection. “Yeah, whatever. Point is, if I let you watch even one episode you’ll get lazy and won’t even bother getting dressed, let alone attend the party. So no.”

Rolling your eyes back at her you shook your head. You admit, Kanna is right, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want to relax and watch a couple episodes of anime regardless. “Fine, I’ll shower then, maybe you can figure out what we should wear tonight. You can go through my closet.” 

“Now you’re speaking my language!” Kanna excitedly jumped up and walked towards your closet while you made your way into the bathroom, grabbing a towel on your way. 

Turning the shower onto a hotter setting, you set the towel on its rack and began to tie your hair up out of your face. Waiting for the shower to heat up you stripped your clothes off, folding them neatly and resting them on the toilet seat cover. By this time, the shower was warm enough for you so you pulled the curtain back and stepped in. 

The hot water pounded against your back as you breathed out a sigh of relaxation. Even though you knew Kanna was most likely going to try and force you into some outfit outside your current comfort zone, you felt tranquil in the present moment under the shower head. You couldn’t help but feel nervous for tonight’s events. They were unpredictable, you didn’t know what would happen or when exactly it would, and that stressed you out. 

_Calm down, it will be fine. It’ll just be a little party, knowing Kanna she’ll probably get trashed too early and I’ll have to take us home. I doubt we’ll be there more than an hour or two._ You thought to yourself. 

Lathering up your favorite ( **fav scent** ) body wash, your mind began to drift. You hadn’t always been this anxious when it came to social gatherings, it became a trait you couldn’t get rid of following your breakup. Once somewhat of a social butterfly, you couldn’t help but feel apprehensive at the prospect of socializing amongst people you did and didn’t know. Everyone’s thoughts and opinions of you somehow became magnetized in a way that you couldn’t ignore these days, and your mind went wild overanalyzing every word that came out your mouth in social situations. 

_How do I turn that off? How do I relax again and just be normal?_ You worried. Parties, gatherings, events, anything of that nature, just wasn’t something you were comfortable around anymore. Perhaps it was because Oikawa’s treatment of you planted doubt in your soul, or maybe that you simply just weren’t the same person you used to be. 

_Please let this night fly by with no mistakes, please let this work out for me._

“Hurry up slow-poke, I have to pee!” Your younger sister Mai pounded on the other side of the door forcing you back to reality. 

Grumbling to yourself, you finished rinsing and turned the water off, reaching for your towel. After wrapping up in your towel and sliding into your slippers, you opened the door to see your little sister impatiently standing on the other side. The two of you were only a couple years apart and frequently bickered when you weren’t watching tv or getting boba together. 

“Do you have to be so annoying?” You asked her. 

“Do you have to take a 30 minute shower? You’re not getting any prettier in there, ya know.” She scoffed, walking around you into the bathroom and shutting the door.

“Gremlin.” You griped, walking down the hall back to your room. 

Opening the door, you saw Kanna digging through your shoes and several outfits laying across your bed. Peeping a halter top and a tiny skirt you couldn’t believe you once had the spirit to wear, you spoke up. “I’m not wearing that, it’s too cold.”

Kanna turned at the sound of your voice and pouted. “You’re no fun.” 

Shrugging your shoulders, you made your way over to your closet and started digging through your pants. Picking out a pair you were comfortable with, and a flattering top in your favorite color, you began to get dressed. 

“Okay fine, I guess that will do.” Kanna conceded. “You’re lucky you look good in anything or else I’d make you wear a dress for tonight.” 

“Yeah, yeah, just get dressed already so you can help me with my hair.” You returned, smiling slightly at the prospect of getting ready for an event. Though you were still nervous, you couldn’t help but sense the feeling of excitement deep down. 

“Say less. We still have to walk back to my house so I can get my car and drive us, but we should have plenty of time.” Kanna explained, laying out a stylish top in front of her. 

You nodded to yourself and pulled out a trendy pair of sneakers that matched the overall vibe of your outfit. Not knowing what the night would bring was definitely nerve-wracking to say the least, but sprouting in the pit of your stomach was something similar to the feeling of butterflies. Would you get drunk and fuck up? Or get too high and start rambling about something embarrassing which you tend to do sometimes? _I’ll drive for us tonight so I have an excuse not to get drunk or high. Anything to keep me from making any embarrassing mistakes is what I need to focus on._ You decided. 

“By the way,” Kanna interrupted your train of thought. “I’m DD tonight.”


	5. truth or dare

Friday Night 

“Kanna, Y/n, get in here.” Konoha greeted the two of you, stepping aside to open the doorway to his house. 

“Thanks, Konoha.” Kanna smiled, placing a hand on his arm out of appreciation. 

On the other side of the threshold, there were more people than you could count at first glance, dancing and drinking along to loud music. Following Kanna closely past the doorway, she turned around to reassure you. “I’m getting you a drink so you can loosen up.”

Though you had previously decided to stay sober for the night, you reconsidered once Kanna revealed she’d be the designated driver for the two of you. One one hand, you might end up making a fool out of yourself, but on the other, it could be a blessing for someone as anxious as you. 

As the two of you made your way to the kitchen you passed several familiar faces. Among them were Yukie, one of the volleyball team’s managers, and some other players you didn’t know the name of. 

In the kitchen, several people were huddled around the island where an elaborate, yet messy, drink station was set up. Bottles crowded the counter, and a large drink dispenser sat at the middle of it, no doubt filled with jungle juice. 

You watched as Kanna grabbed a red solo cup and a ciroc bottle, pouring away. “Wait, not too much.” You stopped her.

She looked back at you and rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, we’ll chase it with some Sprite.” Kanna topped off your vodka with a generous amount of sprite and reached out to hand you the cup.

Hesitating for a moment, you grabbed the drink from Kanna and sniffed it. The overwhelming smell of alcohol was enough to turn your saliva warm and watery.

Just as soon as you were about to tell Kanna you weren’t drinking it, Konoha interrupted the two of you. “Akaashi’s out back watching Bokuto do keg stands, if you’re looking for him.” He let Kanna know, Yukie trailing next to him. 

You looked over at Kanna, knowing full well she was about to leave you to go get Akaashi. 

“Don’t hate me, I’ll be right back.” Kanna promised before stepping away to go find her man. 

Panicking slightly, you looked down at the drink in your cup and swirled it around, the clear liquid fizzed letting out a faint smell of sprite and alcohol. Bracing yourself, you gulped the liquid courage down and let out a shiver as your body adjusted to the alcohol intake. Crumpling the cup quickly, you tossed it into an open trash can before walking out of the kitchen. 

There wasn’t anyone in the hallway with you besides a straggling couple, loved up in each other's ears. You didn’t know anything about Konoha’s house, other than the fact that it was huge. Turning left at the end of the hallway, you continued walking until you heard a familiar voice. 

“Y/n!” The voice called out to you. 

Stopping in place, you backtracked until you came upon the doorway of the house’s den. Inside, Himari was sitting on a couch with several other people you didn’t recognize. While she was kicked back, her phone in one hand, beside her was a boy in a black hoodie hunched over a rolling tray. 

“I didn’t think you were coming tonight, come smoke with us.” She invited you in, a smile present on her face. Her hair was curled tonight, and she wore baggy clothes that hid her hourglass figure. 

You hesitated at first, relieved to see a familiar face, but also nervous to be around people you didn’t know. _Fuck that,_ you did your best to shake off the anxiety you felt and entered the den.

There was an open spot in between Himari and a taller boy with black disheveled hair. Plopping down between them you crossed your legs, unsure of what to do with yourself. “Hey Matsumoto,” you greeted her. “I came with Kanna, she kind of forced me to come.”

Himari scrunched her nose up at the mention of her family name. “We’re friends, call me Himari, please.” She laughed slightly before introducing the boys that you and her were now sitting with. “This is Kenma,” she gestured to the fragile boy rolling up a blunt next to her.

“Hey.” Kenma peeped, not bothering to look up at you. 

_Geez, is he just antisocial or just an asshole?_

“He’s an introvert with an attitude,” Himari sneered playfully moving onto the next. “Yaku,” she nodded towards a guy about your age with sandy colored hair and a kind expression sitting in a folding chair.

Yaku waved at you and continued talking with the guy to the right of him, a lanky boy with short black hair and wide eyes. “Fukunaga,” Himari identified him before finally coming around to the boy sitting next to you. 

“And-”

“Kuroo Tetsuro,” he smirked, looking down at you. Being this close to him gave you ample opportunity to take in his good looks which caused you to feel slightly hot in your seat. Even sitting down in a chair next to you his height was apparent and his wild bedhead only further displayed it. In his left hand he held a red solo cup, no doubt containing an alcoholic beverage.

“Hands off dork, y/n doesn’t know you’re a nerd but I’ll fill her in if you start flirting with her.” Himari butted in, yelling across you at Kuroo. 

“If being a nerd means not failing chemistry, then sure call me a nerd.” He retorted, clearly rubbing his intelligence in Himari’s face.

She rolled her eyes before turning to you. “Ignore him, we won’t be failing chemistry this year if I have anything to do with it.” 

Nodding your head, you went over all the names in your head in order to not forget any. “You guys go to Nekoma, right?” You asked, remembering earlier today Himari had mentioned the school. 

“Yeah, we play volleyball there,” Kuroo answered, taking a swig of his drink. “I’m the captain, by the way.” 

Your eyes involuntarily rolled at his remark. He was cute, sure, but his awkward attempt at cultivating your interest diminished any hope for him. 

“Alright, where’s the lighter?” Kenma breathed in a quiet monotone voice. After Yaku handed him a lighter he sparked the blunt, drawing in a breath before passing it to Himari. 

Without hesitation, she brought the blunt up to her lips and lit the end of it, breathing in the smoke before gracefully blowing it back out. She sighed and hit it again before passing it to you. 

Looking at the blunt in her hands, you hesitantly accepted. Before you were single, Oikawa never liked you to be around anything concerning marijuana, because it was “bad for his image,” as he used to say. 

It had been a couple months since you’d smoked, but the familiarity of the action wasn’t lost to you. Drawing in a hit, you felt your chest tighten as it filled up with the hot smoke. Realizing you took a bigger hit than intended, you began to cough the smoke back out, sitting up straighter in the process. 

“Hey, hey, hey! When did the pussycats get here?” You looked up practically out of breath from coughing to see none other than Bokuto walking in with Konoha and Yukie, the birthday girl.

The Nekoma boys, aside from Kenma, immediately got up following the entrance of the two Fukurodani boys. You and Himari stayed seated on the couch with Kenma, continuing to pass the blunt back and forth. In the midst of Bokuto and Kuroo dapping each other up you watched with heavy eyes, the alcohol and marijuana beginning to take effect collectively. Not realizing you were staring, your cloudy eyes suddenly met with a bright amber pair. 

Bokuto’s shining gold irises peered back at yours, not wavering for a second. His intense gaze sent a shiver through your body, rendering you uneasy. As if reading your mind, he stepped away from Kuroo and walked over to you, sitting in the chair previously occupied by the Nekoma captain. 

“Y/n, I didn’t know you would be here?” He leaned forward, excitedly greeting you. 

Fiddling with your thumbs, you were taken aback by his upfront demeanor, slightly embarrassed he’d walked in while you were coughing up a lung. “Wait, how do you know my name?” You asked him, trying to maintain your composure considering the captain of the volleyball team was up in your personal space.

His face, previously lit up, dropped slightly at your lackluster response and he reached up a hand to scratch the back of his head. “Well, after practice when I almost hit you and Kanna with the ball, I felt bad and talked to Akaashi about it.” 

The corner of your mouth twitched, threatening an amused smile. You hated to admit it, but whenever Bokuto was in the same room as you, it was hard to take your eyes off him. As much as you ignored it, when he was around your interest peaked.

“Don’t worry about it, honestly it was kind of impressive how fast the ball came at us.” You replied, crossing your legs in his direction. You hoped he didn’t take your phrase the wrong way. Flirting wasn’t your intention, but creating friendly relations with him would be convenient for Kanna and Akaashi. 

Listening intently to what you had to say, Bokuto’s eyebrows lifted and his eyes widened. “I can show you more,” he started, standing up suddenly flexing his right bicep. “These arms hit every spike that ever comes my way. That’s the way of the ace.” Bokuto bragged loudly before Kuroo threw a pillow at him. 

“Shut up, ace. I got an idea everyone,” Kuroo announced, shoving Bokuto aside and sitting down. “Let’s play truth or dare.”

“I’m down as long as Bokuto doesn’t throw up on me like last time,” Himari complained, putting the blunt out in a nearby ashtray. 

Everyone laughed around you while Bokuto huffed taking a seat beside Kuroo. “I’ve only done three keg stands tonight,” he grumbled. 

….

Multiple rounds of truth or dare went on until Konoha ended up half naked, Kuroo threw up from pickle juice shots, and Himari had switched clothes with Yaku. You hadn't endured too much from the game, only taking shots and revealing an embarrassing story from your middle school days. 

“Okay, okay, Bokuto, truth or dare?” Kuroo inquired, smirking at his frequent partner in crime. 

The Fukurodani captain pondered for a moment, humming in thought. His eyes gleamed devilishly, momentarily meeting yours before turning to Kuroo. “Give me a dare.” 

Kuroo flashed his signature smirk at Bokuto and looked at him smugly. “Alright, I dare you to make a move on the hottest girl at the party.” 

You, along with the rest of the group, reacted in oohs and ahhs until you were suddenly cut off by Bokuto lunging towards you and grabbing your face in his hands. Before you knew it, your lips crashed into his, body tingling from head to toe in utter shock. 

Realizing what was going on, you softened up in his hands instead of pulling away. Though your head was screaming relentlessly to stop, your body reacted in an entirely opposite manner, working your lips against his soft ones. Being this close to him, you could smell the refreshing aroma of Bokuto’s cologne and reached your hand up, resting it against his neck. Kissing him lit your body on fire, spreading from the hair on your head throughout, until it reached the tips of your toes. It was impossible to know just how long the two of you were like this, but you felt a desire to stay in this space with Bokuto. 

“Woah get a room, damn!” The raucous sound of Kenma’s normally quiet voice was more than enough for you to break the kiss, leaning back with a face flushed in embarrassment. Flustered over the entire interaction taking place in such a public setting, your wide eyes fluttered up to meet with Bokuto’s.

“I think I’m in love with you.” He said abruptly, not breaking eye contact with you. 

Immediately following his statement the entire group, other than you and Bokuto, busted out laughing, with Kuroo’s hyena roar present above the others. 

At a loss for words, you quickly collected yourself and hopped up from your space on the couch. “I have to go,” you muttered, avoiding the eyes of everyone around you. 

“Wait, y/n, fuck, I didn’t-just wait!” Bokuto scrambled to find the right words to say, blushing profusely over his impulsive actions. “Shit.”

You didn’t bother to look back as you heard your name being called by both Bokuto and Himari, the sound of laughter enough to keep your feet moving forward. Making your way out of the den your mind was running wild as you power walked down the hallway. 

“Where the fuck is Kanna?” You mumbled to yourself, pulling your phone out of your pocket. Your eyes struggled to focus on the screen before you due to the alcohol in your system.

Swerving around couples, classmates, and people you didn’t know, eventually you left the dim hallway and came upon the kitchen again.

“Y/n? Where have you been?” You heard Kanna address you, tearing your eyes away from your cell phone. Kanna was standing at the counter she had left you at with Akaashi at her side. You didn’t care what they were doing, you needed to get out of Konoha’s house ASAP. 

“Forget that, Kanna please can we go home?” Your eyes pleaded with hers, not even bothering to glance in Akaashi’s direction. 

Seemingly worried over your expression, Kanna nodded before turning to Akaashi. “I’ll text you when we make it home okay?” She reassured him, setting down her drink in the process. 

Akaashi sighed, nodding his head in acceptance. “Before you go, have you seen Bokuto?” He asked you. 

“Uh, I think he’s in the den,” you replied hastily, taking hold of Kanna’s hand and leading her towards the door.

“Slow down, y/n. What the hell’s gotten into you?” Kanna asked, confused as to why you were in such a hurry to leave the lively party. 

You heard Kanna’s question loud and clear, considering the fact that you were wondering the same thing yourself. What the fuck had gotten into you?

The cool air outside did more to alert your senses, your body already running on pure adrenaline. As you waited on the passenger side for Kanna to unlock her car, your mind continued to run in circles. _Did that really just happen? Did I actually just kiss, no, make out, with Bokuto Koutarou in front of all those people? Fuck, what was I thinking, no, what the fuck was_ **_he_ ** _thinking?!_

Finally settling into the passenger seat and fastening your seatbelt, you stared off into space trying hard to get a handle on your conscience in an effort to prevent a panic attack. 

“Y/n, is everything okay? You look a little sick?” Kanna glanced at you before shifting the car into gear and driving away. 

You muttered a quick response before turning back to your internal monologue. Truthfully, you were in disbelief that you’d actually kissed Bokuto back following his surprise dare. The last kiss you shared with someone was months ago, the final time Oikawa came to visit you. 

Oikawa.

That’s right. Oikawa was the last person you’d kissed. The last person to touch you in any romantic manner. Your fists tightened involuntarily as you realized what Bokuto had taken from you. Because of him, you had one less thing to hold onto from Oikawa. This intense feeling of anxiety, lament, and confusion was because of Bokuto. Your breath quickened and you pressed your heels down into your shoes. 

Overwhelmed, you couldn’t find a safe space to focus on, and instead leaned back against the headrest, drawing in a deep breath. Outside, the suburbs of Tokyo whizzed past you, every second growing further away from the events that transpired. 

Suddenly, your phone buzzed in your lap, pulling you from your rampant thoughts. Noticing someone had texted you, you unlocked your phone and pulled up your text messages, immediately noticing one from an unknown number. 

  
  


**xxx-xxx-xxxx**

y/n i’m so sorry

i’m so sorry please forgive meee

oh this is bokuto btw :3

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone!
> 
> this chapter was fun for me to write but also kinda hard cause i still dunno just how nsfw i want to make it :/
> 
> but once i figure that outttttt :)))
> 
> as always ily all & any feedback is welcomed :)
> 
> also if anyone was wondering, i envisioned himari to look like clair from gleipnir & her last name matsumoto comes from rangiku (bleach) :)))


	6. comfort shows

“I know you’re awake bitch.”

_Fuck,_ you cursed to yourself. _I can never get away with anything around Kanna._

You opened your eyes slowly, to see Kanna sitting across the room in her butterfly style chair. The look on her face was less than pleased as she stirred around hot coffee in her ceramic mug. Bright rays of sunshine peeked their way through the light curtains, threatening a headache on the horizon. 

“Geez, Kanna at least close the curtains.” You complained, pulling the covers back over your head. 

Just as soon as you pulled the blanket over yourself, Kanna yanked it back, throwing the blanket further than it originally was, leaving you exposed.

“Ugh, okay!” You groaned, “I'm awake.” Sitting up in your pajamas, you felt an overwhelming pressure in the front of your head, no doubt consequences from last night. 

“Why is Akaashi asking me if you kissed Bokuto last night?” Kanna asked, carefully sipping her hot beverage.

You gritted your teeth in embarrassment, completely forgetting that had even happened. Last night had been a whirlwind, you remembered stumbling upon the den and smoking with Himari. After that, things were a blur up until you laid your head down hours ago. 

“I don’t know, can I have some coffee?” You replied simply, avoiding the subject entirely. 

Kanna rolled her eyes, yet obliged, extending her coffee cup towards you to take hold of. “C’mon, Y/n,” she asked again. 

You gulped down the warm coffee, its bittersweet taste alerting your senses as you thought of a way to get around this sticky situation. Realizing it was best to just be upfront with your friend, you began to tell her your point of view.

“Well, after you left me in the kitchen I found my lab partner, Himari Matsumoto, in the den with some Nekoma boys and we smoked,” you began. “Konoha, Yukie, and Bokuto showed up and wanted to play truth or dare. After a couple rounds it was Bokuto’s turn. I don’t really know what happened, I just remember Bokuto kissing me and then everyone laughing so I left,” you wrapped up, rubbing your temples slowly. 

Kanna sat on the words you spoke, debating on what to say, let alone think. “So you had fun?” She grinned.

“Kanna, shut up.” You laughed, shaking your head at her sudden humor. Remembering something about last night, you perked up. “Where’s my phone?”

Kanna stood up and walked across the room before grabbing your phone and chucking it towards where you sit on the bed. You thanked her before unlocking your phone and clicking on messages. 

**xxx-xxx-xxxx**

y/n i’m so sorry

i’m so sorry please forgive meee

oh this is bokuto btw :3

  
  


There it was, Bokuto’s text. You debated on whether or not to tell Kanna about his text message, but figured Akaashi would enlighten her at some point. 

“Bokuto texted me last night,” you blurted out, showing your phone screen to Kanna. She leaned forward in her chair and squinted her eyes behind her glasses. 

“Woah, are you gonna respond? It’s damn near noon at this point.” She inquired, turning her own attention back towards her phone. 

You didn’t know if you wanted to respond, given the fact that you didn’t want to give Bokuto the wrong idea. On the other hand, accepting an apology shouldn’t be anything to get strung out over, there was no harm in maintaining friendly relations. 

“Yeah, when I get home, I have English homework.” You returned, hopping out of bed and gathering your stuff together. 

“Just don’t be too mean, according to Akaashi he can be pretty sensitive,” Kanna paused, thinking over how cold you could sometimes come off as. “Especially when he’s already down.”

“Yeah, got it, I’ll let you know.” You replied, heading to the bathroom to brush your teeth. Once you finished, you had nothing else to do so you said goodbye to Kanna and began the short walk to your house.

Clad in sweats due to the brisk weather, you pondered over what exactly you would say to the lively wing spiker with salt and pepper hair. You were still somewhat in denial over last night’s events, and felt a tad disheartened over your first kiss since your failed relationship. 

You didn’t know if you wanted Oikawa still, of course you didn’t, but the feelings you had for him didn’t just disappear after your ending. You didn’t miss the way he always made you feel like an option, or the narcissism that chipped away at your self-confidence. While your healing hadn’t been linear in any way, you couldn’t deny that it had been getting a little better with each day that passed. 

So why did it feel like there was a boulder sitting on your chest?

Sighing, you pulled your phone out and opened the messages app. Bokuto’s texts stared back at you while you read them back to yourself. Without thinking much of it, you typed a response quickly and hit send. 

it’s cool

  
  


Just as soon as you pressed send, you almost dropped your phone when it suddenly started ringing. An unsaved number matching with the one Bokuto messaged from flashed across the screen. 

_Is he seriously calling me right now?!_ You couldn’t believe he was calling you mere seconds after receiving your text message. Torn between whether or not to respond, you hesitantly answered and pressed the phone up against your ear. 

“Hello?” You spoke in a timid manner. 

“Hello! Y/n????! Wow, I didn’t think you would answer, Akaashi said I shouldn’t call you but I had a feeling you’d pick up! Are you with Kanna? Wait, no I was calling because I’m sorry for yesterday, Akaashi said I had been drinking-”

“Bokuto, wait. I can barely understand you.” You cut his eruption off, confused as to what exactly he was calling you for. “First of all, how did you even get my number?” 

It was silent for a moment on the other line before Bokuto responded reluctantly. “Himari gave me your phone number last night when you left. I wanted to say sorry, but you left before I could.”

 _He already apologized once, did he have to call me too?_ You complained to yourself. 

“Well, apology accepted. Anything else?” You quipped, desperate to end the conversation. 

“Wait, I want to talk to you, y/n.” You heard him plead with you on the other line, a whine hidden in the undertones of his rough voice.

You paused before answering him. Before your relationship with Oikawa, everyone knew you to be a friendly girl who was always making jokes and putting yourself out there. As time went on in your relationship you grew into a more reclusive state, not wanting to be seen or perceived by any of your peers. You liked to think of yourself as the person you used to be, but the truth is you’re nowhere near the same. Yet in spite of that, you couldn’t help but feel sick to your stomach when it came to Bokuto. 

“Alright, talk.” You obliged. 

“Um,” it was quiet on the other line for a moment, Bokuto was trying to find the right words to say to keep you entertained. “What are you doing?” He finally asked you. 

You laughed, figuring he would’ve asked you something with more substance since he seemed so desperate to keep you on the phone. “I’m walking home from Kanna’s.”

“Ohh,” Bokuto hummed on the other end, “I’ve never seen you at one of Konoha’s parties before.”

“Kanna made me come.” You replied dryly. 

It was clear to you that he had no intention of speaking about anything important, so you couldn’t figure out why he wanted to keep you on the phone so badly. To be honest, it was awkward, you didn’t know what to say to Bokuto and he didn’t know how to begin a conversation with you. You were nearing your home at this point of the phone call and wanted to avoid your parents asking who was on the other end. 

“I’m glad you came, in fact” you could hear Bokuto scrambling on the other end of the line, was he talking to someone else? “I’d really like to see you again.” 

Your heart dropped to your stomach. Bokuto’s words after that were lost in translation, you couldn’t hear anything except your own heartbeat thumping violently against your chest as you paused in the middle of the sidewalk. _What was this feeling?_ You felt as if any second you would throw up or burst into tears in the middle of the neighborhood. 

“I knew I shouldn’t have said that, she’s going to hate me now!” Bokuto’s cries on the other line brought you back to your senses. 

“Bokuto who are you talking to?” You snapped, aware now that it wasn’t the two of you on the phone. 

“Uhhh, hold on.” He responded. You could hear whispering on the other end of the phone before Bokuto spoke back up. “Nothing you say is working Kuroo!”

Kuroo? Your eyebrows raised at the mention of the Nekoma captain’s name, while Bokuto and Kuroo groaned on the other end, aware of the mistake they’d just made. 

“Y/n are you still there? I’m sorry I had Kuroo help me because I didn’t-” 

“Look Bokuto, apology accepted, I’ll see you at school, goodbye.” You interrupted the two idiots and quickly hung up on them, resuming your walk. 

Not only did Bokuto have to ruin your night at the party, but he couldn’t apologize in peace before continuing to ruin your morning too? The embarrassment of everyone knowing what went on between the two of you was enough to send you straight to your room and in bed. Once you arrived home, you clicked on one of your favorite comfort shows and shut the curtains. 

As the program played in the background, you lay there, your mind running an endless marathon. How did you feel about last night’s events? How did you feel about Bokuto and the kiss you had shared? 

_Fuck,_ a single tear fell down your cheek. You didn’t know how to feel, the intense emotions washing over you threatened to overflow and result in your drowning. Fear was prevalent above all of them, and Oikawa’s voice rang through your ears; bringing you down and dissipating any sense of security. You crouched tighter under your blanket, closing your eyes to take a deep breath. Breathing in and out, you attempted to regulate your emotions until one remained, aching deeply in your chest. 

_I miss Tooru._

  
  
  


….

  
  
  
  


“Y/n are you still there? I’m sorry I had Kuroo help me because I didn’t-” Bokuto stopped abruptly at the return of y/n’s voice over the phone. 

“Look Bokuto, apology accepted, I’ll see you at school, goodbye.” You didn’t let him get another word in before quickly hanging up the phone, leaving Bokuto absolutely rattled on the other end. 

“I’m sorry bud,” Kuroo piped up, patting Bokuto on the back several times. “At least she knows you’re sorry for the way you acted.” 

Bokuto gripped the phone in his hands, mulling over how stupid he must have sounded on the phone to you. Tossing the phone aside his hands shot up to his face, covering his eyes as he groaned in utter embarrassment. “Damn it, why do I always have to scare people away?” 

Akaashi’s eyebrows raised at the sound of Bokuto’s near meltdown. Looking up from the Shonen Jump he was reading on Bokuto’s bed, he sighed before marking his page. “I told you both not to bother with a phone call, she’s probably embarrassed over the whole situation.” He calmly reasoned with the two third years. 

“Yeah cheer up Bokuto,” Kuroo sided with Akaashi. “We can always have Himari or Kanna try and work their magic. Besides, she’s just an acquaintance, she’s not important or anything.”

Bokuto’s hands fell from his face after hearing his two closest friend’s speak. Though he was usually someone who shook off embarrassing situations with laughter and the promise of an unharmed spirit, he felt different as of late. Since that day he’d accidentally hit a spike your way at practice he’d been off kilter, finding himself sometimes thinking of you and dwelling over your few interactions. 

“But she is important.” He murmured. 

Akaashi’s glance shot over to Kuroo who erupted into a horrendous fit of laughter. “Seriously what’s gotten into you, Bo?” The dark haired captain shook his head, curious as to what had caused his upbeat friend to be so preoccupied. “Y/n doesn’t hate you, you can only apologize so much.” 

“Bokuto, if it would make you feel better, I can talk to Kanna and make sure everything is okay.” Akaashi offered. He always knew the right way to sway Bokuto from his sudden mood swings, and how to cheer him up.

Bokuto’s head perked up and his amber eyes shone excitedly. “Please, Akaashi can you???” He pleaded with his younger counterpart. 

“After we eat though, I’m hungry.” Kuroo butted in. 

“Yes, after we eat,” Akaashi agreed, chuckling along with Bokuto and Kuroo.


	7. room 305

The rest of the weekend dragged on, you didn’t get another text from Bokuto, but you received plenty from Kanna, all of which you ignored. In an effort to forget about Friday night’s events, you zoned in on your homework, knowing that exams would be around the corner in no time. You’d spent so much time on your school work that in the blink of an eye you were back at school. 

It was your free period, the second to last of the day, you walked through the crowded hallway, headphones blasting your current favorite song. Passing through the hallway, you saw Konoha and Yukie, who tried to catch your attention but you pointed to your headphones, saying “sorry, on my way to the tutoring center.” Being stopped by them was the last thing you needed, it was only Monday and yet again, all of the third years at your school knew how Bokuto embarrassed you, again. 

Considering the fact that you were in class 3-5, it was no wonder the school’s tutoring center asked you to return for your third year. Not only did you get to fill up one of your free periods, but it gave you an extra opportunity to practice for the college entrance exams. Usually you were assigned someone in a lower class or a failing athlete desperate to get off the bench. 

You slowed down your pace, finally approaching room 305. The door was wide open, welcoming all into its safe quarters. Upon entering the tutoring center, you were met with a familiar figure on the other side of the doorway.

“I’m very pleased you were able to return to the tutoring center this year, y/n.” Mr. Higurashi stood before you, welcoming you back. 

“I’m grateful the tutoring center accepted me!” You graciously thanked the kind elderly teacher who acted as the supervisor for the tutoring center. 

“Of course, we already have an athlete assigned to you today, if you want to get comfortable I’m sure he’ll make his way in shortly,” he instructed. 

You nodded at your supervisor’s words and proceeded to look for a vacant table. Towards the back you saw an empty table with two chairs next to a window. While it may provide distractions every now and then, you wanted to be near the sun on a beautiful day like today. Pulling out a chair, you set your belongings down and proceeded to get comfortable. The bell rang, signaling the end of the passing period, while you waited, anxious to see who you were paired with on your first day back.

Five minutes passed, and still no one new had entered the room. You were playing on your phone, growing increasingly impatient when you heard an all too familiar voice disturb the peace. 

“I’m so sorry for being late sir, my name is Bokuto Koutarou. I’m here for tutoring.” Bokuto stumbled in noisily, his duffle bag slung across his back and greeted Mr. Higurashi. “Please don’t tell my coach I’m late.”

Oh god. If only you could melt into the floor right now. You looked down, avoiding any and all eye contact, praying Bokuto wouldn’t see you all the way in the back.

“Please don’t be me, please don’t be me.” You desperately whispered to yourself.

While you cowered in the back in an effort to not be seen by the boy who so awkwardly kissed you two days ago, you heard Mr. Higurashi sigh before responding. 

“Y/n is waiting for you back there,” Mr. Higurashi paused before raising his voice in order for you to hear him. “Y/n! This young man is here for you!” 

_ Damn it,  _ you cursed to yourself, and turned your attention towards the two men. Bokuto perked up excitedly, nodded at Mr. Higurashi and began walking towards you. You looked down at your notebook in an effort to avoid eye contact with the athlete who pulled out the other chair and sat across from you.

“Is this fate or what?” Bokuto let out a hearty laugh, garnering rude looks from the other students. 

You rolled your eyes at his corny joke before sighing. “Hardly.” 

It was just your luck that the poor, academically-challenged athlete you were stuck with was in fact Bokuto Koutarou.

“I haven’t seen you since Konoha’s party,” he replied, awkwardly attempting to make conversation whilst unpacking his book bag. 

“Yeah when you told me you love me, right?” You laughed slightly, knowing you were making his nerves worse. 

Bokuto’s cheeks flushed a bright rose at your embarrassing reminder. “I-” he stopped, knowing he would never be able to live this one down. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that, or kiss you-”

You cut the male off before he could embarrass himself further. “Don’t worry about it, you already apologized and I’ve moved on.” Reliving this past weekend was not something you wanted to do, so you did your best to nip that conversation in the bud.

Bokuto’s head hung low, avoiding your eye contact, his demeanor was ashamed to the point where even his hair seemed to droop down with him. You never expected someone as cheerful and lighthearted as Bokuto to act this… emo? 

Feeling bad for him you spoke up. “I had fun though, your Nekoma friends are a great time.”

The mention of his friends from the other side of Tokyo perked him up, and his amber eyes regained their brilliant shine. “They really liked you, you should come to our next kickback. It’s not much, we usually just hang out and get into dumb shit together. Himari usually comes when we invite her and I’ll be there so there’s two people you’ll know. Oh! You can bring Kanna too and-”

“Okay, okay, I’ll think about it,” You cut him off as he began to ramble on. “Let’s get back to the tutoring.”

Bokuto groaned, asking if the two of you could just talk instead of doing “boring homework.” You shook your head firmly, resulting in the young volleyball player’s pouting. 

“What are we studying and for how long?” You asked him, opening up your spiral notebook to the first empty page. 

Bokuto hummed, biting down on his lower lip in serious thought. “Well, I’m not doing too good in English, it’s so much harder than Japanese, so English.”

You rolled your eyes again at Bokuto’s unintentional humor, “Of course it’s harder than Japanese, we live in Japan remember? Now how long are you gonna need tutoring?”

Bokuto continued to hum along in thought, trying to remember what his English teacher had told him. “Mondays and Wednesdays until we’re friends.” He replied matter-of-factly. 

If you’d been drinking water it definitely would’ve spewed out of your mouth upon hearing his comment. His candor consistently caught you off guard, time and time again and Bokuto relished in the way he could easily knock you off-center. The two of you were so different, you were more reserved, composed, whereas he didn’t think twice before reacting, oftentimes speaking without a filter. Sure, there might’ve been a time where you were more outgoing, but nowadays it was easier to fall back. Conversing with people you didn’t know, especially someone as well-known as Bokuto, was a definite way to make you anxious. 

“Uh- so Mondays and Wednesdays, got it.” You ignored his comment about being friends. Why did he always have to be so upfront when communicating? Was he like this with other people or could it be that he was flirting?

Bokuto smirked seeing you get flustered at his comments. He didn’t know why he felt a rush when he was around you, but he knew the universe was on his side when he walked into the room and saw you today. 

“I like you.” Bokuto spoke suddenly, his amber eyes unwavering, burning into yours. 

You looked away as you felt your chest tighten, heart beat rapidly skipping, thumping, crashing against your rib cage threatening a fracture. How could someone who didn’t know one thing about you feel that way?

“You don’t even know me,” you murmured, avoiding eye contact.

“I want to.”

You looked at him. His face was kind, eyes brilliantly shining with determination and lurking behind them an expression you couldn’t quite put your finger on. 

“Why?” You asked him, confused as to what could possibly be the reason for Bokuto’s consistent pursuit of you. It seemed no matter how many times you blocked yourself off from him, no matter how many times you said no, he was right around the corner. Sooner rather than later he was right back in your presence, his intensity wrapped around your throat, leaving you gasping for air. 

“Because I see you, and I know it sounds dumb but,” Bokuto chuckled suddenly, tossing his head back in accordance. “I know you see me too.”

You didn’t dare speak another word on the matter, simply nodding and cracking open your textbook. Extensively explaining the difference between “their” “there” and “they’re,” Bokuto listened on in complete amazement of your capability. He let you lose yourself in the subject matter, knowing full well the impact his words had on you. His intent was pure of course, and he knew it would be a while before he could attain the relationship he desired with you. Usually he was anything but patient, but for you, he had a feeling perseverance would prove to be more than worth it. 

The two of you sat there in the back of room 305, night and day somehow existing on the same plane. There was no denying you were an entirely foreign entity to the starry eyed athlete, he’d never met someone so completely broken, and yet, so captivating. He was entranced by you. A girl who lost herself, desperately searching for a way to forget the gaping hole left in her chest, and a boy whose spark could light a fire in the eye of a hurricane. Whether or not you could accept your fears and calm the storm, was entirely up to you and the introverted war that raged within you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone!
> 
> i'm so sorry for the late update. my idiot ex-bf popped back up in my life, the very one who inspired me to write this fic, and let's just say i've been less than motivated to write bc of him. BUT, i'm back and will be updating as regularly as i can :')) next chapter will be longer
> 
> as always, i live for feedback & ty for reading!


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